Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thoughts of November

November 2010 is nearing it's end and my son is nearly 11 months old.  He is an impressively beautiful child to me.  He gets around well, crawls pretty quickly when he wants to and walks fairly confidently for certain distances.

(At Great Grandma's house for Thanksgiving.)

I've been thinking plenty, and writing.  Not on this blog but allowing my thoughts to flow in a journal.  The thoughts that occupy my mind most lately are of going back to graduate school.  I've been spending time looking into programs, contemplating my motives, and considering my plans for the near future in my career.  Thoughts of returning to school amuse me when I consider how excited I was to be done with homework in May.  I have come to accept that I simply enjoy the process of working towards degrees or certifications, struggling with new knowledge, and a college life.  I like teaching, but I think I like learning even more.  So, I have been exploring my mind and the internet for local programs and thinking about what I will need to do in order to get in to a desired graduate program in about three years.  Normally I spend my last waking hour, when the house is quiet, going through looking for interesting motorcycles or cars to unwind.  This last week I have spent the majority of that time researching colleges and programs.  It feels good to work towards something, even in the early stages before I know if I'll be needing a plan to work towards anything at all.  Some of the most interesting thoughts have been analyzing my motives, seeking to understand how much of my motivation is ego centric, career minded, and/or pleasure seeking.  Greg has made an interesting point that I can drop thoughts of my ego and quit trying to guard against it as though it were a bad thing.  He tells me there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best at something or having goals.  Well made points as a result of a long conversation after which I began to focus on the other questions of what programs to consider and how will they affect my career goals.  This is what I think about each night and explains why last night I dreamed of visiting Universities and completing applications.  Why the security guard came into the dream I do not know.  Doesn't everyone complete their applications on a clip board, in the quad next to a gazebo in the night?  Luckily, this security guard turned out to be a friend in my dream world.

A list of November, 2010, experiences to wrap this up:  I have now begun a new phase in my vice principal career in which I conduct teacher observations and evaluations.  An interesting experience in itself.  I have separated two girl students who were very unhappy with each other.  I have realized, yet again, that I simply do not know instantly or with confidence how to help certain students succeed and I am forced in such cases to rack my brain looking for the "best" option instead of the "right" option of which I am simply unaware (I have much to learn).  I have lusted after a car again.  This is a feeling, when applied to machinery, that I generally experience with motorcycles.  I have test ridden the Can-Am Spyder three wheeled "motorcycle" in the rain with Don and Nathan at the annual International Motorcycle Show in San Mateo.  I have begun seeing a counselor again to help me continue to address my anxiety issues.  This for the sake of a good life, to continue progress in preventing panic episodes, and as a precautionary system to have in place to help me deal with any worries in the months before our second child is born.  Sometimes I think I am doing just fine and great working through my anxiety issues on my own and with certain people to go to.  Other times, like after seeing a counselor again this month, I am reminded of how much stress I carry with me even through my good life and how I could really use the help learning to process the stress.  I have just spent four excellent days with my wife and baby for the extended holiday weekend.  I have visited, conversed with, enjoyed, and watched my son play with lots of family, friends, a kitten, and two puppies.  I have enjoyed the cold and getting warm.  I have appreciated the rain from a covered patio.  I have snuggled with my Enzo.  I been loved by my wife.

 (Art in a headlamp...)

(Don getting off of the Can-Am Spyder in the rain.)

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