Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tami asked me last night what was the saddest part to me about my Nana
dying. I told her I didn't feel like answering questions that were to
get me to talk about my feelings right now. She said she was just
asking a question that came to her. So, I thought and I answered.
The saddest part for me about my grandmother dying is the finality of
it. She is gone. I can't change that. I can't choose a path that makes
that any different. My Nana is dead.
When my grandpa died, my Tata, I was not at all prepared. It was too
soon. He was still too young. That was 25 years ago. It's different
with my grandma. These are two people whom I love with a tremendous
portion of my heart and mind. In the last year my Nana's body was
tired and wearing out. My grandma had lived quite a life, as had my
grandpa, and my Nana had an extra 25 years after my Tata died to put
life into perspective.
I'm sad and hurt that my Nana is gone. I'm not in as much sadness and
pain as I know I have yet to go through. It may take a while to come
out. It took me a while with my Tata, too.
What am I trying to get at here? I'm sad. I love my Nana. I know I
have not yet gotten trough to fully feel and accept my sadness.
Somehow, as critically important to my life experience that my Nana
was, I also feel that this is an experience I am better prepared for
because I came to terms with loosing my grandma before I lost her.
That's it. That's what I am recognizing. From a personal experience, I
am grateful and more comfortable because I came to terms with my
grandmother's death before she died. And I feel that she came to terms
with this, too. In no death experience for me previous, have both of
those factors been so.
This does not change that when I fully tap into my feeling of loss and
pain, it will be.... well, sad.... Yet, it won't be as uncomfortable,
I suspect, to experience all of the sadness as it would otherwise have
I am grateful for the years we had together. I am extra grateful for
the years we lived in the same house. I am grateful for the love and
nurturing that my Nana gave to me. And it is a lot. I am grateful for
the understanding of humanity, fallibility, good intentions,
unconditional love, and altruism that have become a part of my
knowledge and experience because of this woman I love; my Nana.
So much to feel. So much to consider. So much to think. Thankful for
all the love, all the hugs, all the kisses, all the times Nana rubbed
my back. Wow, for all that I loved her, she sure loved me a lot more.
Were it tangible it must have dwarfed my love for her though I love
her so much. It's awesome to have mattered that much to someone. I
tried to let her know she mattered that much to me when I said
Posted by Randy at 12:40 PM
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Kids on the stairs of a 747.
Finally! When I drive by this sight again I will have a mental picture of what is inside.
The kids are both growing up. They have had their own “room” for years but it was just a name. They have always slept with us. But a couple of weeks ago Tami spent the day preparing their room, moving things around, and organizing the space. She made them beds out of several blankets on the floor. It’s time for them to have their own room but I didn’t actually expect them to take to it. I was wrong. They took to it instantly. Naps and bed times are now in their own room. No fuss, no arguing, no issues. I thought there was supposed to be a load of issues to come along with transitions but, nope. Easy. The big kiddos have their own room. Soon we will be ordering them their own beds. For now, they are enjoying their floor-beds.
A couple days after the New Year, we had Enzo’s birthday party. New Years, by the way, was a raging party at our house at 9pm. We watched the East Coast live countdown with the kids. So, they got to stay up super late until 9pm. Then they were on their way to sleep when Aunti Tia, Fran, and later, Nicole, came over. Kids don’t fall asleep easily with Aunti Tia around so up they were until super duper late. I don’t remember how late, but it was late. They pretty much partied like rock stars for New Year’s Eve, dancing with me and Tami and then playing with toys until it was almost a new year. OK, like little kid rock stars.
In other growing up news, no more breastfeeding. Ana is now done. Tami weened her several weeks ago. Ana would have preferred to keep on going. Who wouldn’t? It’s been a couple of weeks but every now and then Ana will ask Tami for WaWas. Ana always called it WaWas and Enzo UhUh, Tami will say, in Spanish, no there is no more WaWas in there. And Ana says “Let me just see, Mami, let me see.” It’s pretty cute and funny.
This is Enzo cooking his own chocolate birthday cake. He enjoyed that.
They both enjoyed clean up.. a lot!
This year, Enzo wanted a space ship themed party with a space ship piñata. My dad ordered a custom, and giant, space ship piñata that came out very nice. My mom put on some custom touches including Enzo specific serial numbers and a picture of Enzo at the controls, flying the ship. Tami then made and decorated another excellent space ship cake. I think everyone had a good time. I did.
Aunti Tia and Ana giving apple wedge kisses.
One day I called the kids my cuddle muffins while I hugged them and snuggled them early in the morning, still in bed, and they started laughing. Now, cuddle muffins is just one of their names. The funny thing, besides cuddling with adorable cuddle muffins, is that often Ana or Enzo will decide that they are not a cuddle muffin but the “cooker.” He or she will wriggle out of our arms when we are cuddling and then throw invisible ingredients on to me and Tami the other cuddle muffin, Enzo or Ana, which ever is still cuddling with us. Then they cook us and then we’ll be “hot hot” as they touch us with a finger and quickly withdraws their hand from our hot freshly cooked cuddle muffin selves. Then, the cook will jump in and be a cuddle muffin too. Variations on this also occur. Recently I was a beso monster (kiss monster) while Ana and Tami were tickle monsters and we were all cuddle muffins once Ana was done cooking us.
We spent a day together, just me and the kids, in Mountain View.
As in previous years, the extra big piñata became a toy.
My very happy 4 year old astronaut.
Posted by Randy at 4:16 PM