(Me and my Nana in the summer of 2010)
My grandma is in the hospital right now. It's been difficult, it's been sad, it's been a challenge; seeing my grandma uncomfortable or unconscious these recent days. My favorite recent moment was when we laughed a bit during a brief period of consciousness after I asked her if she would like me to tickle her feet. She said, "Yeah, that will help" and then we both laughed for a bit. The other part that I enjoy, under the circumstances, is comforting my Nana by pushing my fingers over the top of her hair and telling her that I love her. It feels good to offer some comfort to this woman I love so much and who has comforted me so many times over the years of my life. It's this woman who made me kind of like being sick as a kid; she took such good care of me when I stayed home from school. It was not living with my Nana anymore in high school that made me decide staying home sick wasn't really fun at all if no one was there to pamper me. I love my Nana. I love her very much. It's hard to say what is the best way for me to deal with this, a situation that is not really mine, but hers. That's the selfish reality. I really want my Nana to be good and healthy again but I know that times have changed and that my memories are becoming increasingly important. And so, instead, I hope for the more reasonable goal of my Nana's comfort and contentedness with her life experience as well as a peaceful recovery or exit, if this is the time.