Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Enzo Raines the Erbium, and what we've been up to

(Tami and Enzo swimming on the 4th of July.)

After the last blog post I decided to look up Enzo's first initials and it turns out that Er is the atomic symbol for Erbium, a rare earth metal used in lasers and in pottery. Cool. So, as for the laser amplifying son of mine: I adore this kid and can't get enough of him. He is addicting. I kiss him, I snuggle him, I watch him, and there is never a feeling of "I'm full" no matter how much time I spend with him. I can't get enough.

(Camping is dirty work for a kiddo. Check out all of those teeth!)

(Playing ball with Papi.)

Several days ago he stood up in bed when he was supposed to be going to sleep, said "We, we , weeee!...", bounced a couple of times on the bed and then fully jumped onto my belly laughing in pure joy. It was awesome and completely unexpected. My belly didn't even see it coming. Then he did it over and over and over again with the same level of enthusiasm for who knows how long until Tami and I had to stifle our laughter and giggles to convince him that it really was time to go to bed. It was so fun to watch him enjoy himself so much. Telling the story a few days later we realized that he was counting "One, Two, Three" or "Uno, Dos, Tres" the way Tami and I do before many things like tickling him or pretend-eating his feet or dunking him under the shower to rinse his hair. And within only a couple of days it became quite clear to hear him say "Un, Ta, Tweee!" He does it often now and it's cute. Some variations may include "We, Ta, Wee, Ball!" as he throws a ball. The variations are fun but more and more he is close to counting on his own up to three.

(Enzo loved the oatmeal so much he wanted to wear some of it.)

This makes me think of all the blog posts I write in my head nearly every day but that are lost in not being written. Some recent ones include experiences like me trying to teach him to kick a ball. He eventually got it but obviously preferred to throw it. I had forgotten to count and he's the one that reminded me to start counting 1, 2, 3 before I kicked the ball. Then, there is the fact that he likes to dance so much. Sometimes it's to the radio but it can just as likely be to a commercial or a song in the background anywhere. He sort of squats just a little and holds his hands forward a little while sticking his butt out. Imagine a skier going down hill and about about to jump off of a ramp. Then he wiggles his butt. I can't help smiling and giggling just thinking about it. One of the coolest things he likes to do is clap. He'll clap for successes big or small, his or someone else's. At the park this weekend he was clapping for people off in the distance because they caught a basketball. Today he clapped for me when I finished vacuuming. I wish I could take this kid everywhere. It's pretty cool to get cheered on like that. It's really cool that he claps for himself and for others. There is just no end to the happiness this kid can inspire.

(Ana napping on Mama during Ana's first camping trip.)

(Tami and Shea spinning fire sticks on Tami's birthday.)

Some of those unrecorded blog posts of my mind had to do with all that we have been up to lately. We've been camping several times since our Arizona trip. Ana makes a good camper and Enzo is becoming a pro. We went to the beach for Tami's birthday marking the beginning of that quarter of the year when Tami is my elder and I still try not to listen to her though she is often right. And there was the Arizona trip itself. Driving home from my Nina and Nino's house in Phoenix the great level of anxiety that I had been experiencing and had written about began to slip off of me. An hour west of Phoenix and I could clearly feel it sliding off of me. Two hours into the drive west and I was able to see the desert again, to feel me driving through it, taking in what the Universe had to offer and being ok with it. Maybe my anxiety will return again to that very high level that it was a few weeks back. Right now I'm grateful, I'm calm, and I accept what is. Being able to relax, let go of my tension, and be ok with what was resulted from our visit where we were able to spend time with my Nina and cousin Sylvia and visit with more cousins and I was able to spend time talking to my Nino. I hope that I can make others feel as special as my family makes me feel. I hope I can be good and giving without expecting payback like my family does. I hope I can care about the lives of others even when I have so much going on with my self. I hope I can provide that sense of comfort and peace and goodness throughout any trial of life as my family does. I hope when I experience my greatest challenges I can remind another how special they are and offer them my blessings. My Nina has given me a lot in life, more than I can write about here, but her blessings on me and Tami and our children when we left her house are my absolute greatest treasured gifts from her ever. Seconded to this is her life as an example of how to live, care for family, live well, and pay attention to what matters which always seems to be people. My Nina asked me at one point if I remembered the saying that she had taught me: "No hay mal que por bien no venga." I had been very attracted to it when she taught it to me but had somehow let it slip my mind. Now it's back. And I think, everything is ok in this Universe even if it's sometimes difficult to take in. No hay mal que por bien no venga.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Ana Uku Gold

Ana's first two initials are AU.  Au is the atomic symbol for gold on the periodic table of elements.  My Angel of gold is doing great and she is growing so big.  She is becoming expert at smiling gorgeous and it's pretty easy to get her to show off her beautiful smile these days.  She really is so substantial now; a real growing baby girl.  I love her.  More and more often she is happy to be held by me but she still prefers her mother's arms above all others.  When I have her and she happens to fuss then I jokingly tell her that I am just going to keep on loving her until she loves me back.  Then I'll keep on loving her forever.  I say jokingly because as the parent of a baby without recognized formal language skills I have the privilege and right to  interpret her wants and needs as I choose.  And I choose to interpret about 60% of her every move and look that she makes as "I love you."  So by definition, mine, she already does love me (and her mother, but that's pretty obvious) to a tremendous degree, especially when considering the ratio of her love to her body weight.  Pretty impressive.  The other 40% of her communication I attribute as having something to do with breast milk.

Ana really is growing fast.  I remind myself to appreciate every moment of this because it will never come back.  I tell myself to take it all in because this moment is special and will soon pass.  I tell myself not to resent the passing moments because the coming moments will also be so special that I would not wish to miss or delay them.  Don't rush the now, and don't slow it down either, just take it all in.  This is especially true as we don't plan to have any other beauties though it would appear that we have a gift at making gorgeous lovable children.

My capacity to adore and love my children has increased since Ana was born but the time that I have to love and adore and appreciate has not increased.  I wonder if I give her enough time and attention as she deserves.  The work of parent is a little easier but it's difficult to get enough time for play and staring at each other in to fully satisfy what I imagine is an insatiable desire to consume every experience with these children and still find time to sleep and shower.  I maybe could pull this off for a third or a fourth child but I honestly don't know how parents of well loved children in very large families pull it off.  I guess it's partly due to the fact that one person is not doing all of the loving.  Between Tami and family and some friends my kids get a lot more love and attention than they would if I was the sole parent and family around for them.  Knowing that is comforting when I wonder if I give them enough.  I wonder often if I give Ana the attention she deserves when I can't imagine how it is as much as I gave to Enzo at this age.  Well, as long as I am able, they each can have all the love, attention, and affection I have to give and I'll hope that it's enough.