Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The "Supposed" Day
As you may notice from the count down labeled "days until The Kid Arrives," today is the due date; all but come and gone, the counter proudly displaying "0". While there are a few hours remaining, it's safe to say that this kid will not share his Aunt, my sister-in-law, Traci's birthday. While I'm at it, Happy Birthday Traci! So what's going on? With the baby- all normal stuff as far as we can tell. We do have another doctor appointment tomorrow morning so perhaps there will be more news then.
Tami and I have been spending a lot of time together and it feels like vacation. Which it is, so I guess that makes sense. In fact, as of last Friday, I don't work again until February as I took January off to be with Tami and The Kid. While we can't go hiking and go on motorcycle rides and trips together as we tend to do in summer, Tami and I thought we might try some games. We've played chess a few times in the past but we've never settled into playing games together to unwind at night. A couple of nights ago we tried Boggle. That was a good time. The coolest part is that when we finally decided to stop playing and tally up the score, we were both even at 85 points. Neat. We also have run many errands together, watched a couple of movies, and generally enjoyed each other's company. We do some things separate. I went on a morning motorcycle ride today while Tami was still sleeping. As I type this, Tami is at yoga. And Sunday I stayed home all day feeling crummy so Tami hung out with her sister.
My anxiety level has been fairly high lately, rising several times each day but never to a full panic attack. Back when I was having panic attacks my digestive system would shut down, belly swell up, and it would take three days before I could comfortably move around again, a few days more for my digestive system to normalize. Well, even without a panic attack, that's what happened Saturday and that's why I spent Sunday at home feeling crummy. It was interesting because I experienced the anxiety symptoms and the abdominal discomfort all without fear of them, so that's a big positive. Still, I knew that I would be lying around for three days until the bloating was down and I was comfortably mobile again. But I was wrong, this time I was up again after only a day and a half. I'm making progress. Since Sunday I've spent several hours reading more about anxiety and panic attacks from the book I have and from numerous websites. Reading and learning helps a lot. I think it is the reading and thinking along new lines that helped me to recover quicker this time. My anxiety level has been spiking so many more times each day now but it doesn't get as high as it use to five months ago. It's gotten a little scary, but I'm lucky to have been around Tami or good friends when it has gotten that bad in the last weeks and they have helped me to vent and keep it manageable. Tami is practically a saint when it comes to helping me get through tough anxiety peaks. I'm curious to see if my anxiety issues change after The Kid is born, specifically as a result of him being born. I wonder if there is a connection there. Either way, I continue to learn, improve my thinking, and become better equipped to handle anxiety. I think I am becoming a better person in the process. I'm even proud of myself for getting this good at managing the anxiety and that's a long way from before when I was berating myself for "having to deal with this issue at all." Hopefully I'm still being supportive enough to Tami's needs as I work on myself. I love her and think that I remind her and show her daily. Today I massaged her feet with lotion. Not just one foot, both feet! Does that count for two days of love and support? Well, as long as she keeps telling me she is happy we are spending so much time together, I think I'm doing all right.
I am excited to meet my son. And I admit that I am nervous about the big day- what ever day that turns out to be. I am nervous, and excited. There is a layer of giddiness under the surface like balloons waiting to be dropped on an expecting crowd. I have no idea what the effect of the celebration will be on me, but it will be a celebration.
Posted by Randy at 7:10 PM