Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ana the Molecular


My daughter is so absolutely adorable!  She is becoming so substantial.  Her cheeks are so real.  She looks at me and really looks.  She looks around and observes.  She is so beautiful.  I'm pretty sure she is a genius too.  I can not take her in completely enough.  I wish I could spend a moment fully and completely aware of her every molecule.  How cool would that be?  What if that was a drug you could take; to be fully aware of every molecule of another?  How addicting.  What if you could use that drug for anyone you love?  After a year would you love more people or less?  What if you could use it for yourself?  What if you could take enough to take in several people at once?  Here in real life, with no such magic-total-molecular-awareness drug,  I get to stare at my gorgeous girl.  I kiss her cheeks.  I look at her looking.  I fall deeper in love.  There is no picture yet that does her gorgeousness and spirit justice.  Her brilliance of being is a moving essence and will not sit still long enough for any device.  I keep trying to get the essence on photo, still.  Nothing equals the real Ana.

She is also physically substantial in a scientific baby check up way.  Ana, and her brother and parents, went to her four month doctor appointment today.  15 pounds of gorgeous is what she is.  Not sure how to measure gorgeous medically.  Not sure the doc ever used the word at all, but we all know what she meant.  15 pounds of gorgeous.  Doc said things like "it's amazing she holds her head up so well for so long and rolls so well at four months" and then asks jokingly "are you sure you're four months?"  I'm sure pediatricians are trained to say everything in a way to make parents gush, but really.... Ana is a super-roller-expert-extraordinaire.  Any direction as far and as fast as you can look away; two rolls and with a twist.  Since she has a bit of a kick already mixed into the rolling around it's always a mystery of where she will end up.  I am in this narrow window of time where I could develop a gambling game based on where she will settle in for a minute but I just don't think I can develop the rules, build up the market, attract the gamblers, and come to terms with the morality of using my daughter as a living moving roulette ball to help cover her and her brother's college expenses before she masters direction and is off wherever she likes to be as far as she likes to be and I just don't want to trap her into a narrowly confined game table for the sake of a game.  You know?

In case you are curious, her check up went great.  She is doing well.  She handled her second set of shots similar to her brother.  She didn't like them, she got over them fast enough, and she complained slightly more and for slightly longer than her brother did.  She actually didn't mind the liquid drop part of the vaccines as much as her brother did, though. And in the end, she was happier to settle in with her mother than her father.  I have been the one to hold the kids during all of their shots and eventually Tami gets them because she wants to love them.  It's hard to give them up, really.  Especially when they have tears in their eyes, even drying ones.  It was difficult with Ana because I wasn't done comforting myself by comforting my girl but I knew she would like it even better with Tami and I knew Tami needed her too.  So, I passed her over and it took a millisecond to see that while Ana was already over the ordeal in general she was much happier to finish off the experience with Mama.  They always look great together.

I don't mean to imply that Ana and I don't have our special moments and growing affinity.  We do.  Cuddling up and looking at each other this morning was perfect existence.  It's just amazing to be so in love with a child and to watch her find that little extra comfort in another I love and to know how awesome it is that Ana is this incredibly loved and comfortable though she has no idea yet, thankfully, how lucky she is.  When your second most comfortable parent adores you as much as I adore Ana, I would say you are pretty well set.


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