Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Enzo the Great


I'm pretty sure Enzo is the most absolutely perfectly awesome-ist boy in the world.  He has crept into my being and built himself a palatial fortress.  He wrapped both of his arms around mine as he fell asleep two nights ago and I'm pretty sure I ascended into a higher state of existence.  My arm engulfed his person without moving.  My heart swelled and covered him.  Sometimes when I hold him he holds me back and Tami laughs but does not fight me on it when I say I can do nothing else practical for the household until he stops cuddling me of his own will.  Sure, I like to avoid responsibility once in a while, but this is valid beyond all valid reasons ever.  He smiles at me.  He gets excited to see me after work but then runs away laughing.  He laughs more when I chase and pick him up.  Sure, three seconds afterwards he goes straight faced, turns, and points to a bouncy orb saying "ball!"  But we have those three seconds and the world is at peace.  At about six o'clock yesterday were you angry but then suddenly felt perfectly at ease?  That's when I picked him up.

He says "bye papa" when I'm getting ready to leave in the morning now.  He is not sad.  He just says bye in his happy-sweet and matter of fact way.  This started only a couple of weeks ago.  It simultaneously made me happy and sad the first time.  My intellect had to intervene and make sense of it all for me.  There is a part of me that wants him attached to me, and part of me that wants him independent of me.  Overall, I want him attached to me but confident that he is well without me and that he trusts he is safe.  So, this is perfect.  Especially since he is happy to see me home, even if he is only elated until three seconds after I pick him up. 

I could hold him forever except that I want him to freely explore on his own and live and some day consciously appreciate this existence and universe.

Enzo loves his sister and is so sweet.  He pushes her on her swing.  He talks to her.  And she will stop anything to look and listen when he gives her attention.  If she is complaining she will still stop when he makes noise.  He pulls her towards him on her little swing, face to face, just like I do with him at the park, and says "wa, tu, thwee" and let's her swing go just as I do with him.  Over and over.  On the weekend I laid down on my belly in the living room next to my daughter laying on her belly.  Enzo came running over from behind and I turned to see him with a huge smile as he ran and he was saying something happy and laid down on my other side to join us, on his belly, as happy as can be and just beaming that beautiful smile of his at us both.  No jealousy, no attempt to be the center, just so excited, it seemed, to see us together and to be part of it.  My smile is HUGE as I write this.  I have thought of that time so many times.  It is the greatest memory I have with them both so far. 

Sometimes at night our whole nuclear family is a chain.  I love that too.  Sometimes by accident.  Sometimes I am awake, Enzo on one arm,  and I will stretch my arm out to Tami who is cuddling and feeding Ana just to feel that chain connect.

He calls me Papa and his mom Mommy lately.  For him, I refer to Tami as Momma and she refers to me as Papi but for now he seems to be settling on the reverse sound endings for us.

We played with his green ball in the front yard yesterday before bed.  Two days ago we walked to the park and I pushed him on the swing for so long and he never tired of it.  I offered to take him out but he kept saying "more".  He points out "palo" everywhere when he sees them.  That's how he says pájaro which is bird in Spanish.  He asks about luna often which is moon in Spanish but we haven't had a good view in a while during his waking hours.  The new moon was only two days ago.  We spent several minutes several days back looking at la luna and it some how stuck with him.  I wonder if these are his special moments between he and I so far.

His palatial fortress is indeed gargantuan.

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