Big News

I still have my hair, and I still have my sideburns.  What could the big change be?  It must be the job.  Last Friday it was announced that I will be Vice Principal beginning July!  After eight years in the classroom, my job will change significantly.  It's a big deal and I have been delving into the change philosophically, mourning the loss, and welcoming the new.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm ready.  And, while this is huge news, significant to a high degree in how it will affect my life's course and experience, tonight there is another big reason to celebrate.

(Professor Smith Addressing the Graduates and Families)

Two years, thousands of dollars and thousands of words typed, hundreds of pages read and hundreds of hours in contemplation..... have brought me to tonight when I graduated with my Master's Degree.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhh........ And that's just the beginning of a relaxing release two year's in the making.  The best things about graduating?  One, I now have more time with my family again.  Two, I have significantly grown as a person through this program.  I didn't just jump through hoops; I developed as a human and as an educator.  Thirdly, I HAVE GRADUATED!!!!!  What a great feeling.  It's late as I type this and I'm very tired so I won't carry on much more as I look forward to blissful sleep that involves no back-of-the-mind thoughts about homework or papers to write.  I'll just say that I am very proud of myself and colleagues tonight and I love my son and my family.  What a year!  2009 was so impressive and now 2010 just keeps 'the interesting' coming.  Yes, I did use 'the interesting' as a noun.  Master's of Education are allowed such liberty.

While I'm writing I'll throw in a few more updates.  Recently, Enzo received his second set of vaccine shots and liquid drops.  We spoke to him about it just as before.  Then, he got the dropper and the shots and it was even less of a deal than last time.  He fussed and cried briefly while the first shot was coming out of his thigh and until the second shot came out but that was only a seconds long period of time; that nurse was quick.  Then, I held him to my shoulder and he was done.  No big deal.  The drops he swallowed before the shots and he didn't fuss this time at all other than by making a funny face that said, "This is neither how I take my meals nor the flavor I am accustomed to, but I 'll give it a try if you think I should."  And that was that.

To bring these topics together.  Many people came up to tell me how cute Enzo is at the graduation ceremony.  I know people must say that kind of thing all the time to parents about their children but I have to whole heartedly agree with these fine people and say they are right, Enzo is SUPER adorable.  And so, I can not help but believe that while many words are said in this world out of kindness and custom, when speaking about the adorableness of Enzo the words are surely 100% genuine.  He is simply that adorable!

Oh, one more thing.  Tami and her sister go to the A's game every year for Mother's Day with their mom.  After me giving Tami breakfast in bed (I picked up breakfast from a taqueria that we like and rushed back) and then Enzo giving his mom the cool hand prints that he made for her, Tami was already enjoying her special day.  But, then, the big deal happened.  Tami took Enzo to the A's game to celebrate Mother's Day with her sister and mother.  Yes, that game!  Tami, Enzo, Traci and Phyllis were there for the 19th Perfect Game in Major League Baseball history!  I had to look up what this meant online.  Essentially, it means a game where a team wins by allowing no hits and no walks and this has only happened 19 times since 1880.  Tami was SO excited to be there watching the A's win this 19th ever Perfect Game.  I asked how this compared to taking Enzo to his first game and her answer was that his first game was important because it was part of Enzo's history.  This game, however, was important because Enzo was there for Major League Baseball history.  Tami said it was "the perfect Mother's day" getting breakfast in bed, her son's hand prints, and seeing a Perfect Game all on her first Mother's Day as a mother.

It's been eventful around here, to be sure.

Now, off to blissful sleep.........

Happy Mother's Day

12 years and 12 days - A Self Indulgent Ride Down Memory Lane

Friday, May 7th, 2010 marks 12 years and 12 days since I rode home on my first motorcycle.

1986 Yamaha Radian

I remember parts of that ride in 1998 quite clearly.  Most notably I remember riding home down Meridian Ave. singing at the top of my lungs, I was so excited and happy.  I  was just making up songs and lyrics as I rode and singing to the inside of my helmet.  At stop lights I was practically dancing on my bike looking around and belting out verse with a smile so big people must have seen it coming out of my helmet.

Just a couple of months later I was on that bike riding, with Nathan on his first bike, a 1986 Suzuki GSXR1100, to Corvallis, Oregon to visit Dan and Kim in their new home.  I assure you neither of those  bikes were designed for a 600 plus mile each way road trip but we loved it!  Our butts?  They were tired.  I remember us lying down in a parking space at a fast food restaurant just to rest our butts and stretch our bodies on the way there.  By the way, we also learned there that motorcycles do not trigger the sensor to let someone know you are in the drive through.  I have clear memories of a gorgeous ride and of Mt. Shasta looking beautiful, of a tired butt, of walking around Corvallis with the Vega family the next day, enjoying the sites, driving mountain roads in the dark and wishing I had more lights, being covered in little green bugs going through an agricultural area in California, and feeling immensely satisfied from a long ride when we got home.  

I loved to ride that Radian.  I took apart the motor and replaced the rings and pistons and put it back together in my Grandma's back yard.  I was so nervous to start it back up when the day arrived.  What if it didn't work?  It did.  I rode down to my local motorcycle shop and asked Pete, who had given me so much free advice along the way, to check out my work and tell me what he thought and to tell me if it was safe.  Pete said it looked good and he was impressed.  That meant a lot to me.  It really did.  I had never taken a motor apart before and I respected this guys opinion and was grateful for all the free advice he was giving me patiently while he had a shop to run for paying customers.  His being impressed was the best stamp of approval I could get on that project.  The bike not blowing up as I rode made me feel pretty good, too.  Eventually I sold that Radian to Don to become his first motorcycle.

1998 Kawasaki KLR650

I was going to San Jose State University when I sold the Radian and purchased my KLR 650.  I believe it was the year 2000.  I loved having the water proof hard luggage to carry my books as I didn't have a car and rode all year to school and work in all weather.  I found the bike on craigslist.org and went to check it out.  Riza, the seller, was such a cool guy.  After checking it out and going home to think about it, I arranged with Riza to go to his house the next day to purchase it.  I expected to hand over money and take a pink slip but Riza was different.  I suppose being from Turkey had something to do with his way of interacting.  He invited me into his home where we sat and ate chocolates and sipped coffee talking for an hour.  I loved it.  The guy was so interesting and so I took the KLR and Riza's phone number.  By that summer, not only had we gone on several rides together and become friends, but we decided to spend a week camping off of our motorcycles and riding in Baja California, Mexico together; me on the KLR and he on his BMW 1100GS.  I have such fond memories of that ride and my time with Riza.  I am sad to say that the number and email I have for Riza no longer work.  Riza, if you find this, please leave a comment and let me know how to contact you!  

That KLR and I got to know each other very well over the years.  I did eventually sell that bike to Don in 2004 to be his second motorcycle, but we are  still close to this day as you will see below.

1996 Honda Goldwing

Oh, Big Blue!  That's what was painted on the back, "Big Blue" so I knew this bike's name before I bought it in 2002.  This was the smoothest and most comfortable motorcycle I could ever imagine riding.  Tami and took a ride to go camping on this to King's Canyon National Park back when we were friends.  That was the longest ride I had gone on with a passenger at that time.  Our time together, me and Big Blue, was not long, however.  Big Blue and the KLR were sold, along with my car and bicycle and so many other things, in 2004 as part of a strategic and ambitious financial plan.  That worked out pretty well and started the only stretch of time that I did not own a motorcycle since April 25, 1998.  It was only a couple of months, thankfully.

1986 Yamaha Radian

 I was feeling nostalgic and found another '86 Radian on craigslist.org that summer of 2004.  We had a good time together.  It was a brief affair of only a couple months, however.  "Ruby" was backed into, while parked, by a crazy driver.  "Ruby" was totaled but I used the insurance money to buy back an old motorcycle love.

1998 Kawasaki KLR650

That Fall of 2004 Don sold me back my same KLR.  I missed her and she had always been good to me. We spent a lot of time riding the old roads and a few new ones.  It was like we had never been parted.  In 2009 I sold this lovely machine to Sam to be his first bike.  He still let's me ride the KLR and I can see her some days as I drive by his house to or from work.

1999 Honda Valkyrie Interstate

In 2006, surfing the internet I came across this rare beauty.  The Valkyrie Interstate.  Honda had taken the superb Goldwing and made it look like a cool cruiser that they called the Valkyrie.  Then, they made the Interstate model which added back in some of the cool Goldwing features that had been removed in the conversion to a Valkyrie cruiser.  This meant that the Interstate model got back the stereo, intercom, CB option, auxiliary audio plug in and three integrated and watertight bags for for luggage.  A brilliant bike.  Tami and I took "Val" on a very memorable two week camping road trip to Canada that same Summer of '06.  This is the bike that I took cross country in 2009.  What a fantastic motorcycle.  Maybe I'll take Val out for a ride tomorrow.

2002 Honda RC51

 For my birthday in 2009, my friends Matt, Mitra, Nathan, and Laurie surprised me with this beauty of a motorcycle gift.  The RC51 is such a smooth and impressive machine.  Maybe if we spend 10 years together I will become half as capable at sport riding as this bike is capable of being ridden.  Fantastic, beautiful, impractical, bold sounding, precise turning, instantly stopping, magnificently quick and always fun.  Hmmmm.  Maybe this is the bike I should ride tomorrow.

There are so many other motorcycles that have affected my motorcycle adventure over the years.  So many I have seen, or touched, or ridden that were not "mine."  I've been lucky that way.  But these are those bikes whose maintenance, enjoyment, and preservation were my responsibility for at least a portion of history.  I would say I've done a pretty good job of protecting them and enjoying them while they were in my care these 12 years and 12 days as a motorcycle lover, addict, protector, dreamer, enjoyer.

Thinking of Enzo

Last Friday was Enzo's four month birthday.  He is living beautifully.  I miss him when I am at work so my loving wife sends picture/text messages to my phone on most days and they make me smile.  Here is an example of a picture/text message Tami sent me Monday:

1st time n shorts... so friggin cute! BTW- his shirt has a pic of a lobster and says "u crack me up". Clever & cute. Wat a combo!

How can you not smile when you see that kid and read that message?  Lately I have really been enjoying my time in the morning with Enzo.  I've been waking up and lying in bed for an extra half hour or so watching, playing, and talking with my kid.  He is adorable.  He is beautiful.  I can not get enough.  He wakes up and likes to just relax in bed for a bit.  Today we chatted while he looked at the ceiling, smiled at me, tasted the blanket, and enjoyed the morning.  Enzo was practicing and playing with making sounds a lot this morning.  That was fun to listen to.  When he got on a roll I would stop talking so as not to interrupt.  It's fun to interact with this beautiful child as he discovers the world and it is also intriguing to simply observe.  But then he'll turn to me, smile, lay his hand on my chest or face and I melt inside while expanding on the outside; I become simultaneously bigger and smaller.  It's fantastic and peaceful at the same time.  Each morning he surprises me with a new version of a radiant smile.  I carry these with me all day and I am a happy and fortunate person.

A Different Kind Of Ride

(Nathan's new KTM.  Very nice.)

It was a different kind of ride than I expected today.   The kind where I got home with a full tank of gas still in the tank.  The kind where I covered about 10 or 15 miles in four hours.  The kind where Nathan sat in the back of an SUV and Don and I rode around on the street in front of his house like kids playing bicycles.  Yep, it was a good, though unexpected, day's ride.  Well, good except for Nathan's ankle.  It was twisted in the parking lot of the coffee shop we were all meeting at before the ride really got started.  He made it back home before he realized he couldn't put weight on it anymore.

(Nathan on the "Ride" from the shade of an SUV on his driveway.)

I have no way of knowing now for sure that the mountain roads weren't straightened in the night.  I'm okay either way so long as Tuesday's forecasted rain frizzes them up again. Luckily, when a motorcycle goes down, even very slowly over something slick in a coffee shop parking lot before a ride starts, there are things that need to be adjusted.  And that means that Don and I had an excellent reason to ride ALL THE WAY to Laurie and Nathan's house to play with tools on Nathan's new KTM with him while he hopped around on one leg.  A little bit later, the three of us had the turn signal fixed up, the forks had been loosened out of the triple clamp, wriggled around, re-set and re tightened down.  Sometimes when a bike lays down, one of the forks will bind up a little in the triple clamps making the steering a little off.  Anyway, easy fixes all but it was a good excuse to play with tools with friends.  Nathan's new KTM looks as good as it did when he started out that morning.

(Don on the new KTM.)

(Randy on the new KTM.)

(Nathan relatively near his new KTM.)

Do you remember riding your bike back and forth in front of your house as a kid?  Maybe riding around a block or two and then just playing with u-turns and quick stops and riding in loops in front of the house?  Did you ever pretend your bike was a motorcycle?  Yeah, me too.  It turned out to be every bit as fun as I thought it would be.

2 am Diaper Change

This morning at 2 am Enzo was making a bit of noise and I went to change his diaper.  I kept the lights low, took off the old, and placed the dry cotton under him.  Then it got funny.  His eyes were still closed and he was playing around with his legs.  Super cute. One of his hands grabbed my arm as I was trying to wrap his diaper around him.  His other hand grabbed at his feet (he has recently discovered his feet and likes to hold them- super adorable and fun to watch) and he pulled his legs all the way up making it impossible to finish with the diaper.  I could only chuckle.  I gently moved his legs down and thought I had a chance to finish with one hand... I didn't dare move the arm he was holding because that just felt too good.  Of course, his legs sprang back up.  This happened a few times and in my sleepiness all I could do was chuckle.

And then, Enzo's eyes just opened up... he looked at me for one second and then just smiled the widest happiest morning smile I have ever seen!  I love this kid.  I finished with his diaper in seconds, picked him up and let him snuggle up in my arms.  It was too early to talk but still I went and told Tami.  She said, in her own half sleep, "He woke up and smiled when he saw you... he was happy to see you."  Yes!  What a great day already.  How perfect this is and it is not even 8 am now as I get ready to cover myself in gear and go for a motorcycle ride with friends.  Today is one of those days I will smile in my helmet the whole morning even if I find every mountain rode had been straightened in the night.

Happy Saturday to Me.

Enzo's Big Day

(Hiking in Castle Rock.)

It takes a certain degree of psychological tension for me to write.  An almost-satisfied-but-not-quite-there kind of vibe.  The sort of distance from satisfied where the writing itself feels like the cure.  For a blog post this might happen when telling about Enzo or my day's adventure is exactly the last bit-of-perfect I need to get to that satisfied feeling. Feeling too good already and there is no reason to write; I can just be.  Feeling too down and writing is too much work.  I still write at least a blog post a day in my mind but they don't make it out unless there is a convenient distance separating me from perfectly satisfied and a 0 distance separating me from an internet connection.  I am okay with that.  My wife, however, is not okay with that at this time.  You see, way back on April 3rd Enzo experienced what his mother appears to believe is among the all-time greatest milestones in Enzo's early life.  And, I've not written about this momentous event because I have simply not been within that perfect writing zone.  Until now, that is.  Tami has made it abundantly clear that my peace lies on the other side of this blog post so here I find myself, as luck would have it, in that perfect writing zone.  What could be so important in Enzo's life?  (Do you really need to ask?)


Drum roll..........


Enzo went to his first baseball game!!!!!!!!!!!!

We three joined Tami's parents for Enzo's first baseball game on April 3rd at the Oakland Coliseum to watch the A's play the Giants in a pre-season game.  Yes, I said 'we' and if you have read previous posts you may have noticed that I don't tend to go to baseball games.  But I had to.  This was Enzo's first and I knew it would be a HUGE deal for him... (okay, we all know to substitute 'his mom' for 'him', right?).. and I knew that Tami would be tempted to exaggerate this glorious day in our son's history over the years.  So, I had to go as a historical record keeper, you know, to keep her honest.  This way, Enzo doesn't start telling teachers and friends in kindergarten how he went to his first baseball game on that great day when there was a record 25 grand slams hit by the greatest team ever in history called the A's.  My wife is generally honest but she may be tempted to overly exaggerate for an event like this when the A's and her son were together in the same place for the first time.  This is a special event for her indeed, the importance of which likely rivals her professed love for her husband by several magnitudes.  I can't blame her for slightly exaggerating when speaking to me directly, but this is different.  The art of steady exaggeration in an argument with me, for example,  is a necessity to keep the argument fair as I LOVE to exaggerate shamelessly.  It just makes life that much more interesting.  But when the future credibility of our son is at stake, I figured I had better suck it up, borrow an A's sweatshirt, and go to the field.

(Enzo's Grandma Phyllis made that jacket for him.)

So, how was the game?  It was fun.  There is something attractive about a large field of vegetation surviving in a paved world and a sun that pops in and out of the clouds.  We sat near center field and that was cool because center field player for the A's is number 11 Rajai Davis and that is Enzo's favorite player.  Why?  Here is my telling of the story, pulled together from the retellings I have heard.


Last season, when Enzo was still in Tami's belly, Tami and her sister Traci were at one of the many games they go to with their season tickets.  Traci yelled out "Rajai! Throw up a ball to my nephew!" and Tami smiled and pointed to her giant pregnant belly.  Rajai threw a ball up for Enzo.  Cool.  So, before he was born, Enzo had a ball from the game, his mom's ticket from that day, and a Rajai Davis baseball card.  This season, on the day before Enzo's first baseball game, Traci and Frankie were at the Coliseum and Traci took the ball, hoping to get Rajai's autograph on it for her nephew.  When Rajai was going by, Traci asked for his autograph but he said he didn't have the time right then as he was going to batting practice.  Traci yelled out the whole story of how this was her nephew's baseball and that Rajai himself had thrown the ball into the stands for Enzo last season when he was still in his mom's belly, etc., etc.  I like to imagine all this being blurted out in that excited way people do when trying to sell you something before you slam the front door.  "Well, now that you told me that story of course I'll have to sign it!" said Rajai coming over to sign the ball for Enzo.  Cool. Thanks Aunt Traci and thanks Rajai Davis.  I never did ask if Rajai mentioned the condition of the ball, 'autographed' by Enzo's dog who found it before Enzo could play with it.


As for Enzo's first game experience, I think it was obvious that he had a great time.  I know I did.  And how about Rajai?  He was the first A's player to score a run that game and he made a fantastic catch at one point.


(There you go love.  This day is now recorded for ever in the indelible records of cyberspace!)


In other Enzo news,  Traci threw a Meet Enzo Party for some local friends and family recently.  I think everyone enjoyed being around him very much.  Enzo probably met more people in that one day then he had in his entire life previous.

(Enzo entertaining his Great Grandma.)

(Pat and The Kid.)

Enzo has now been to four A's games, I believe, including the A's season opener that followed two days after his first game.  Me?  I went to just that first game.  While he was at the game this last Sunday, however, I did have a blast at the 26th Annual Spring Meet VW show with Matt, Mitra, and Don.

(Matt and Don taking a break from checking out the VWs and venders.)

(That's the edge of Matt's bus at the very right of this photo.)

I drove Matt's Bus and he drove his Bug.  We decided that I won the "Best Blue And White Bus Driven In From Campbell By The Owner's Friend" award.  We looked for the award plaque but couldn't find it.  Turns out the judges weren't awarding in that category this year.  Maybe next year.

Inspired in Oakland, CA

(Graffiti next to Chiodo Art Development in Oakland.)

This last Saturday I enjoyed an inspirational day.  I wasn't excited about it at first.  Occasionally, my night classes also meet for all-day Saturday classes and on this particular day we were to meet in Oakland.  I was not looking forward to the hour long drive nor the neighborhood.  When we got there, however, we were in for a treat.

When the three teachers I carpooled with arrived we were warned, by someone outside, to not leave valuables in our vehicles.  Soon we were also told that whatever we imagine as bad about this part of Oakland is true and it is probably worse than we were thinking.  Interesting, why would someone have something here, of all places, that we teachers should see?  But the story gets better.  We didn't know why we were in west Oakland for class but when we walked into a warehouse we were greeted to a magic land of 15 foot bronze fairy creatures, giant colorful toads, plaster Abraham Lincoln heads, clay soldiers around a flag, and so much more.  Some pieces were fantastic and some pieces were emotionally moving.  Turns out we were at the work space and design studio of Mario Chiodo (pronounced: key-oh-dough).  Let me tell you a little bit about this guy.

Mario started out in this same neighborhood in Oakland.  He was part of an experiment in school where under performing young children were given the chance to play with art supplies for two weeks with no other educational concerns.  Then, as they were hooked, they learned more academics.  Mario ended up learning quite a bit academically and artistically.  He went on to become quite wealthy designing and creating statues, masks, casinos, monuments, exotic restaurants and more.  So many of the masks you find at Wal-Mart were designed by his Halloween mask company.  He worked for Lucas to create several Star Wars pieces including a special edition life sized Yoda series.  Ever been to Caesars Palace in Vegas?  Check out the statues and fountains; his work. Children's Fairyland park in Oakland?  The Aladdin Genie popping out of a bottle at the entrance is his work (he paid for half the costs to create it himself when Fairyland could not afford it).

(Mario Chiodo's design studio.)

Mario built his business right in the west Oakland neighborhood he came from.  He takes his interns from the same school district he was part of.  He brings in under served students and teaches them and inspires them with art.  What is his current project?  The Remember Them monument.  For over four years Mario has devoted himself to this project by working on the sculpture for no pay, selling off his lucrative Halloween Mask business, not taking on new paying projects, selling off buildings that he owned, using his own wealth and getting donations from others to maintain progress on this impressive project.  Mario is honoring 25 people from around the world who changed their lives to make the world a better place.  These people devoted themselves to something great.  The Remember Them memorial statue is in four pieces and will be completed and installed in Oakland at the end of 2010.  I can hardly wait to see it installed.  Mario worked hard to ensure that it was installed in Oakland so that it will inspire exactly where inspiration is needed most, in the city.  The work is amazing.  Some of these larger than life characters are always looking at you wherever you stand.  One character only is life sized and that is the little girl Ruby Bridges.  Mario wanted people to be inspired by these great people but he also wanted children to see someone their size and know that they too can become one of the greats.  To completely tell you all that went into this project, from what little I do know, would take a lot of writing.  Let me just say that it is well thought out, very symbolic, and moving.  It is also huge!

(Segments of Remember Them statue in various stages of the process to becoming a four part, 60,000 pound bronze statue.)

I am inspired.  I am inspired by the people honored in the statue, some of whom I had never heard of before.  I am inspired by Mario who decided to give up some personal wealth to make a good thing happen, to open his business in a neighborhood that needs him when he could have located anywhere, for taking on students who deserve more than they are given.  I am inspired to remember that I can make a great change in this world through huge sacrifice but also through smaller sacrifices.  Mario used his personal talent to make a difference with children and to inspire many.  He gave up extra wealth but he didn't go broke, neglect his family, or become destitute to do something important.  He didn't need to become as sacrificing as Mother Teresa to make a difference in this world and I am glad to be reminded of this.  He must feel good about his life, he deserves to.  And now, as the project comes to an end, he is starting up his business again and taking on clients.

I can't stop asking myself what I can do to make the world a better place with the resources and talents I posses.  How can I use my skills to make a positive difference?  This is what I am thinking about regularly.

(Mario Chiodo outside his design studio and warehouse in west Oakland.)

Check out these websites:

Remember Them Website

The 25 "Champions for Humanity" in the statue

Chiodo Art Development Website

Maya Angelou Talking about the project:

The Talented Enzo Raines

Guess who flipped himself over?  While at work on Monday, I got a call from Tami telling me that Enzo had lifted himself on his elbows and flipped over to his back.  It was fun to hear about Enzo's accomplishment but it was also just great to be interrupted in my day at work to think about, and hear about, my son.  That night in class, another student/teacher, whom I have rarely spoken to, asked me about my child.  I was SO excited to tell her about Enzo and about him flipping over.  I was smiling and after our brief discussion I found myself thanking her for giving me a reason to talk about my son as it makes me so happy.  A mother herself, she just smiled and said "Yes, I know."

On Sunday my parents and my sister joined us for a walk around the lake at Vasona Park in Los Gatos.  It was good to get out into the world on such a beautiful day.  I think my mom got a kick out of watching Enzo pee on a tree.  Yes, he is only 12 weeks old tomorrow, but he pees outside once in a while.  Tami learned about how, if you pay attention, you can tell when a baby wants to pee or poop, not just react to the fact that they have already wet a diaper, but tell before they go.  Then, you can remove their diaper and they can go.  It's cool because, besides having less diapers to wash, our child spends a lot less time in wet diapers.  It's neat how Tami can tell so often.  There are days when Enzo will go half the day without sitting in a wet diaper once.  Neat.  I'm only just starting to get the hang of noticing before he wants to go.  It's interesting, he gets a little fussy but not so much as if he has wet his diaper.  It's the kind of thing you might not notice if you were not looking for it, if you didn't know there was a sign or meaning to it.  You might just go "What's up Kid?" then pick him up and he would go back to normal.  But, a couple of minutes later he would fuss again, uncomfortable, and you might try distracting him then except that this time he will have a wet diaper.  Or, you could know what that little initial frustration means, understand it as a sign, a communication, and help him go to the bathroom.  At home we have a little potty for him that Tami supports him on when she picks up on Enzo's signals.  But sometimes, out in nature, he goes on the trees, just like his daddy!  It's so funny to me that he learned how to pee outside from his mom first.

Impressed with my wife, I am trying to develop my own senses in understanding my child's subtle communication.  Last night I think I may have actually read his mind!  Well, I can't be sure but a thought popped into my mind that seemed to be coming from Enzo.  Just as he was finished eating, and getting ready to doze off, he unlatched, looked up at his adoring mother and thought "I wonder where the boob is that mommy eats from.  It must be huge!"

To the ever increasing list of things I love about my son, I have added another experience.  It's always such a warm feeling to hold him close with his head looking over my shoulder.  I love it.  But there is something even cooler.  Sometimes he puts his other hand, the one not on the shoulder he is looking over, up as though to hold on to my shirt, chest or neck.  It's a subtle difference but somehow it feels even more awesome.  It somehow seems to imply to my psyche that he is reaching out to me, not just a passive observer over my shoulder, but that he also wants to actively hold and touch and love me back.  I'm okay with knowing his mind is not thinking these things, but it triggers the feelings within me as if he were.  And, I love it.  I took a picture of this when I got home last night so you can see what I am talking about.  Fantastic!  As tired as I was at that moment, holding Enzo energized and soothed me.  That little gesture of his hand made it even better.

Tough Kid

(Just minutes after shots.)

Enzo received his first shots yesterday and handled them with little drama.  It was almost as though the shots were little more to him than a wet diaper.

Tami prepared Enzo by explaining to him what would happen at the doctor's office.  She told him in her own way and in Spanish.  When I got home, Tami drove and I sat with Enzo explaining to him what would happen as I saw it, in my own way and in English.  

Roughly, what I said to him was:
We are going to the doctors office to get shots for you.  The doctors office is where we go to see doctors who help us stay healthy and get healthy.  The shots were designed to protect you and help you stay healthy.  They are important for everyone, to help protect all the people we meet.  Mommy and daddy have had our shots too.  Shots are uncomfortable but you will probably get use to them in time.  It's normal that they hurt a bit, it's normal to cry, it's normal that they don't feel comfortable, but the pain goes away.  I love you.  Mommy and daddy wouldn't take you for these shots if we didn't believe they are a good thing.  We will be there with you the whole time, before, during, and after.  It will all be okay and the pain will go away.

I know Enzo does not speak Spanish or English yet, but he does communicate with us and we do our best to pay attention to him and interpret his needs.  I wanted to communicate to him all that I did tell him in words, but in that subtle way of body language and mood that he could partially understand.  I don't know how to imply my intentions directly in those ways but I know we all betray them when we talk.  So, I figured that if I used words that are honest to my thoughts then my body's betrayal of my mood and intentions would communicate the essence of my message to Enzo.  That's one of the reasons it was important to me that I tell Enzo all that I did.  He smiled, he listened, he talked back making sounds and being adorable.  It was good.  It was honest.  I also told him all of the above because I think it is good to talk openly with children.  The other reason is because it was good for me to prepare myself for the experience.  I knew the shot would be uncomfortable.  It certainly goes against the animal body instinct to view such a piercing of our flesh as a beneficial act.  It takes intellect to rationalize that and babies are dependent on the intellect of their adults until their own intellect develops.  I didn't want to betray his trust by delivering him to the pain of the shot without him knowing, as much as possible, that it was not in fact a betrayal.  And, I didn't want to set the precedence that when I am concerned for him that I would just deal with it in my head and let my son go through a traumatic moment in my silence.

Clearly, I was prepared for an ordeal; a right of passage for my son to make it through.  I suppose I imagined that 10 minutes of unconsolable tears and torture would begin at the first shot. As it turned out, however, the ordeal was not nearly so tramatic for Enzo as I was prepared for.  It went like this:

(Enzo on table, Tami and I each holding one of his hands gently)
(Shot one went in)
(A second goes by)
"Aaaaa."
(Shot came out)
Enzo back to normal within 2 seconds, just hanging out.  Wow, I expected more pain.
(Shot two went in)
"Aaa....Aaaaa"
(Shot came out and instantly shot three went in)
"AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
(Shot came out)
"aaa..aaaa" and then calm.

It was like nothing happened and the whole thing lasted only seconds, it seemed.  Enzo's level of discomfort was similar to him having a wet diaper, maybe like having two wet diapers at the same time, if that is possible.  It felt worse for Tami and I then any wet diaper but Enzo looked instantly recovered from the shots.  I was reassured, and surprised, by how quickly Enzo went back to every-day-relaxed-baby mode.  The last vaccine, after the three shots, was a liquid that the nurse gave him to swallow through a little squeeze tube that she put in his mouth.  It looked neither like a boob nor a hand and so Enzo was not happy about it.

(Liquid dropper into mouth)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! aaaaaaa aaaa aa AAA! AAAA! AAAAAAA! aaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
That was more annoying to him then the shots!
(Liquid dropper out)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...aa..aaa...aa."
And back to normal and in my arms.

And that was that!  Really.  I almost teared up during the third shot, a mixture of relief and sympathy.  But the whole thing was so quick and his complaints were equally short.  In the end, I was just amazed at how little this seemed to disturb Enzo.  Tami had fed him while at the doctors office and that always makes him mellow so I can not tell for sure if he was less animated on the way home only because he had eaten or partly because he was a little tired or sore from the event.  He didn't look angry or scared.  He did not seem emotionaly frustrated.  I was plain relieved and happy at how well Enzo handled the experience.

Hours later, into the night, he did become uncomfortable.  By then his legs, where the shots were injected, were red.  We were told to expect redness and swelling in the legs and to give him Tylenol if he developed a fever under 102 and to call if 102 or above.  His head seemed a little warm to us but the thermometer showed that he was not warm so we did not give him medicine.  He was a bit fussy and he did not want to be put down.  That's not a problem for us.  So, we loved him and we held him and we gently rubbed his legs do disperse the vaccines as we were told to do.  Eventually, Enzo fell asleep.  We checked on him through the night but he slept fine.  This morning, his legs looked normal and Enzo looked as content as a happy baby.

A Day in Santa Cruz

(Is this kid cute, or what?  Enzo smiling in Santa Cruz.)

I woke up this morning feeling a bit "antsy"... a lot antsy, really.  I get this feeling often enough, usually to a lesser degree, and it indicates some approaching change I will feel compelled to make.  The change is sometimes big (move to a new state) and sometimes small (find a new coffee shop to read at) depending on what it takes to satisfy the psychological itch.  Manifestations of this feeling vary and have included break ups, quitting a job, changing hair and/or beard, moving, and various other rockings of that great ship named Stability.  I wonder how it will manifest this time?  I've already shaved my face recently, will the sideburns go?  I have no intention or desire to break up my relationship.  Moving could work but not this year.  So, as far as the big ship-shakers there is a job and a pony tail that could get cut loose.  Maybe the need for change is not so great as all that this time.  Perhaps I can sate the antsyness by finding a new route to and from work or by painting my bicycle a bright color or learning something new.  Still, the job and the hair seemed on the line going into my day.

Greg had invited us to join him at his cousin's new cafe in Santa Cruz called the Windmill Cafe next to Twin Lakes Beach.  It's not difficult to convince me to go to Santa Cruz anyway but with the weather of a day like this and the inherent obligation of exposing my son to the magic of the world that only exists near that narrow band of our planet we call the shore, Tami and I decided to take Greg up on that invitation and head to the coast.  The cafe was excellent and Greg's cousin Mary was super sweet.  There are people that just exude goodness and she is one of those people.  Sitting in the sunshine with my friend, wife, son, Mexican hot chocolate, magical coastal air, and easy conversation, I forgot my antsyness of the morning.  Like all good Sunday's in Santa Cruz, our intended short visit turned into an all day event that, in this case, ended with dinner at an Italian restaurant on Soquel.  Enzo, I believe, had a good time in Santa Cruz.

After such a good day, driving home full of delicious artichoke ravioli goodness, I started to think about my antsyness from the morning.  By this point the Randy on a hammock in the back of my mind was considering and weighing the possibilities of a new career entirely, spiked hair, transferring to a downtown school, green hair, an administrator position, shaving off all of my hair, a new school district, and the hair of the guy that hosts "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network.  My mind eventually worked it's way to what I think is the bigger question; not how this desire for change would manifest, but why was I feeling this way in the first place.  What was my motivation?  Before what force of my psyche was my mind marching?

Was it out of the healthy motivation and powerfulness of life inspired by the approaching Spring? I am about to graduate after two years in a Master's program.  I am full of new confidence and knowledge.  I have been watching my effectiveness as a teacher and agent of positive change develop.  My aspirations to make a difference in my field have grown as well and there is arguably more that can be done at other school sites and in other capacities than in my current location and position.  Could this desire to do more drive me?

Was it out of fear that I wished to retreat?  I do sometimes have to fight those horrible worst-case-fathomable thoughts running through my mind.  I wonder if some of them have gotten to me.  They make the world seem like a giant wheel of torture and precariousness.  Am I beginning to fear threats to the balance of my life, holding on too tight as they say?  When scared of an enemy, real or imagined, running in any direction can feel the only substitute for hiding in a safe cave that doesn't exist.  Could this desire to be safe propel me?

Was it out of a healthy desire to keep life fresh and to avoid a rut?  I haven't had short hair in a couple of years.  I've been teaching similar students similar material with similar colleagues at this particular school four years and in this district for seven.  Could a desire to keep fresh pull me?

Was it my shaken confidence in the classroom last week?  I did, this last week, face a situation with a student where I felt helpless to make a positive difference.  For all of my experience and training, I simply felt like crap that I was having such a horrible time helping a particular student, a student who needs the attention and help more than so many others.  With a focus on equity, it was difficult to recognize and accept the limitations of my personal skill to overcome a circumstance I do not control.  It was worse recognizing that in my effort I was making matters worse.  Did this shake me, make me vulnerable where I want so much to succeed?  Undoubtedly, yes.  Could this realization of limits chase me?

I can't say for sure.  Do I want change out of strength or out of vulnerability?

Does it really matter?

I would like to know.  And then, I've always assumed goodness when I make dramatic changes and life has been an interesting adventure because of it.  I don't know if spending the day in Santa Cruz, acknowledging the antsyness,  or analyzing my thoughts on the drive home made the  difference, but by the time we got home I did not sense so much of the antsyness left in me.  When I saw myself in the mirror my hair looked just fine as it was.  I don't know what will happen with work but I didn't feel the need to start searching online for career options.  Maybe I just exercised the energy right out of my mind today.  Maybe it's still there and the Randy on the hammock in my mind became confident that, whatever the change coming is, all is well.  Maybe he decided to relax and let the winds of change massage his resting eye lids.  Maybe the only change he sought was a change in focus and perspective like one finds near that magical band of Earth where ocean and land come together.

Me and my Mustache

My mustache and I went out for a beer today.  I'm not a mustache person in general, not for my own face anyway.  I am a huge fan of hair and facial hair for the masses, though.  Hair is cool.  It's modified skin cells, did you know that? Yep.  When you modify skin cells you get hair.  When you modify scale cells you get feathers.  Hair is people plumage.  I like that.  Ordinary skin cells get old, flake off and become dust.  But hair, oh wonderful mamal plumage... it becomes a canvas of expression, an indicator of sleepiness, a tool of the personality.  I think more poems should be about hair.  And a man's face is like an etch-a-sketch of hairy fun potential.

As I said, I don't usually keep mustaches and I don't usually keep gaotee's either.  My wife likes me in a goatee so I occasionally wear one for her and will sometimes keep it for a day or two.  Otherwise, mustaches and goatees rarely make it out of the house though I do make them often enough transitioning from beard face to skin face.  This I do a lot as my favorite facial hair status on me is to be growing a beard rather than to be having or not having a beard.  A constant state of growing means shaving once in a while and that's where strange two and three legged mustaches happen or beards that look like anvils.  Good times.

This last four weeks, however, I did the unusuall. I kept a goatee for a whole month.  Perhaps it was my subconcious gratitude to my wife for growing and nurturing our beautiful son.  Still, all good things come to an end, and to continue with the cliches, an end is a beginning.  Tami wasn't too happy when she saw me in the morning, but today was the birth of this glorious mustache.  Yay! I'm not sure how long it will be there, resting casually on my lip like a 70's sunbather glistening by the pool, so I took it out for a beer.  A mustache like this just needs to get out in public for a bit and be seen.  And, it wanted a beer.  Guinness and a mustache, very nice.

Good Morning

(On our way to the Farmer's Market)

It's a good morning. I had gone back to work for two weeks before having a holiday week off. Today is back to work again. After changing my son's diaper and then getting ready myself while he ate with.. of? from? off of?....his mom... while he breast fed, Tami offered to make my lunch so that I could hold Enzo some more before work. She is very sweet.

(Enzo checking out the fish)

Enzo is super cuddly to hold. Growing quite a bit as well. Several clothes are now in the "Don't Fit Anymore" pile. One of my favorite things to do when holding him is to kiss his neck. Super soft. Of course, we chat and look around at the world. This last week for example, Enzo did quite a bit of looking around. Tami worked as a staff development presenter early in the week and that meant that Enzo and I got our first time alone together. For two days he and I would drive off and go walking around for an adventure and then come back for him to eat with his mom every couple of hours when he started looking hungry. That's one thing I can not do for him is breast feed. But, I can take him for walks and show him the Santa Teresa foot hills, downtown Campbell, and downtown Los Gatos. And that's what we did. The rest of the week was eventful as well. Tami, Enzo and I went for our first trip to the rebuilt Academy of Sciences museums in San Francisco. I think he liked the fish. And wow, there were some interesting fish. Beautiful in their own way but not at all in a "wow, I'm hungry and that sure looks like food" kind of way. I told this to Tami and then we started thinking about it and decided that, other than fruit and vegetables, food sure does not look appealing as food in nature. This, I think, is especially true of certain fish, but also true of a cow. A cow just does not make me hungry. Not even when I did eat meat. I'm sure a lion thinks differently. A lion must certainly salivate when it sees a zebra but I don't. I've been to the zoo and nothing I saw looked like a menu item. I have seen wild berries and apples on trees and thought, "that looks good," while I picked and ate them.

(Tami and Enzo in Golden Gate Park)

Yesterday we went to the Computer History Museum with my sister who was staying with us. The exhibit was extremely small as they are still preparing for larger exhibits to open after summer. We will certainly go back then. What they did have was interesting and included the first computer mouse integrated into a widow user interface made by Xerox at their PARC facility in Palo Alto, early disk drives invented by IBM in San Jose, and one of the first Apple computers, the Apple I, built in Sunnyvale. It's amazing how much of the world's digital technology came together within a few miles of my house. Even Google, Yahoo, Ebay, ethernet cables, internet technology, the microprocessor, and so much more, were born within a small radius of home. I wonder what new technology is being thought of right now within these few miles.

About this morning....

I held Enzo, while Tami made my lunch, long enough that he fell asleep in my arms. How much is that worth in dollars?

It takes so little to make a child comfortable and I was able to provide all of it (except his food) for my son before I left for work in the morning. That is a good morning. Looking down at him cuddled against my arm and chest, eyes closed and breathing calmly, arm nestled up towards his face, legs on my arm.... that's the happy image I carry with me today, that is my reward for having a few extra minutes in the morning to appreciate my son.